


stars in the daytime

by minimiwrite



Series: through the never-leaving memories and the ever-present suffering [1]
Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, college and university, struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 06:23:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17823557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minimiwrite/pseuds/minimiwrite
Summary: Aichi just wants to do well. Kai just wants Aichi to be happy.





	stars in the daytime

**Author's Note:**

> did you know that once in the span of 3 whole days i only slept 4 hours. university is a mistake and i self project onto aichi's suffering too much

Kai hears Aichi before he sees him. His eyes, still heavy with sleep, are closed, and the sounds of a chair groaning and soft footsteps coming closer echo unnaturally through the tiny apartment they shared. A small bubble of hope rises in his chest as he silently prays that Aichi will come into the room quietly and snuggle in beside him, with a whispered apology for both the intrusion and the morning before and gently bashful eyes. At this point (it’s four in the morning), Kai wouldn’t even mind if Aichi had pressed his somehow always cold toes against him by accident again, as long as Aichi could finally get some real rest. His hopes are dashed when he hears the coffee machine start up instead, a gurgle of resignation and frustration, and shuffling back towards where Kai assumes is Aichi’s small desk. 

With a sigh, Kai rolls off the bed and up into a standing position, slowly trudging towards the door. He doesn’t like his odds of getting Aichi to rest; it’s time for midterms, project proposals, and applications to internships and research, according to a frazzled Ratie, who had called him about a week prior to order him to hide the coffee machine and anything caffeinated before the worst of it (he seriously regrets not listening to her now, the realization that she had seen Aichi go through this  _ twice  _ now finally sinking in). For Aichi’s part, almost as if he was trying to avoid the idea of caring for himself, he was coming home later and later, spending more time holed up in a library that Kai can’t even visit without a student ID, and at home, Aichi spent most of his time staring at papers, meticulously translating the text bit by bit and taking notes. The one time he successfully pulled Aichi away, he had woken up to Aichi typing furiously away at some sort of document, the laptop turned sideways and pressed up against his knees so that he could read what was on the screen.

The resulting conversation was the closest thing to a fight they’ve ever had. 

Kai’s not even sure if Aichi registered why he was so upset, given the deep bags under his eyes and the blank, dead-eyed stare that he had afterwards. He’s also unsure if Aichi even wants him here anymore, guilt and anxiety churning deep in his stomach. But Kai is definitely confident in the idea that Aichi needs rest, and that Aichi, no matter how detrimental it’ll be to him later, will resist with what little strength he has left. 

He finally pushes open the door after a moment of hesitation (he has to beat out the coffee machine, if Aichi drinks some of that again, he’ll be too jittery for at least an hour to sleep), walking into the dimly lit living space area where he spots Aichi’s hunched back at his desk, his head in his hands. Kai quickly makes it to Aichi’s side and places his hand on Aichi’s shoulder, squeezing it gently as the other jumps in his seat and turns toward him.

“Kai…? Why are you up…?” 

He snorts, gently taking notice of the pure exhaustion on Aichi’s face and takes his shaking hands into his own, rubbing small circles with his thumbs on Aichi’s palms. “I should be asking you that.” 

“There’s some homework I need to finish, and I… I wanted to review more…” Aichi’s eyes dart back down to the sheets of paper in front of him, and pulls his face into a grimace, as if he was struggling to form even the base of his sentence. “I don’t… I don’t think… I’m prepared.” 

They talked about this before. He has a feeling that they’re going to have to talk about it again. “You’re not going to remember anything like this. Just sleep.” Kai squeezed Aichi’s hands. “Let’s go to bed.” 

There’s a sharp inhale from Aichi as he pulls back and into himself, bringing back his hands limply and digs the heel of his hands into his eyes. “I can’t… sleep like this.” Aichi’s shoulders shake slightly as his breathing becomes more labored. “I can’t rest before I understand this. I shouldn’t.” 

Kai reaches out and pulls on Aichi’s wrist with his left hand, just enough that Aichi pulls his hands away, and uses his right to soundlessly wipe at the the tears forming in the other’s eyes. He wishes that he could say the words that he wanted to say, give them shape, tell Aichi what he needs to hear, what would get him to bed; but the words don’t come to him, and instead, he continues to wipe away the tears that keep falling, a poor best effort for the person he loves most.

It couldn’t have been more then five minutes, but it feels like hours had passed to Kai when Aichi finally shudders and takes a weak breath in, the tears finally coming to a stop. “I’m sorry… for this, Kai. You should be sleeping. I need… to get it together… and stop wasting time.” 

Aichi’s words were addressed to himself, but it felt like a physical blow to Kai’s gut. “What do you mean by that?”

His eyes were still a bit wet when he looked up to Kai. “I… I just really didn’t do well on a test last week. I thought I was prepared but… even considering everyone else’s scores, mine was…” A humorless laugh escapes from Aichi’s lips as he shrugs helplessly. “Sorry, I don’t… I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” He looks down and away. “I don’t know what more I can do anymore. I’m either studying or researching, and I’m still… It’s just not enough.”

He wasn’t wrong. Aichi forgot to eat, gave up sleep, and even put his Vanguard playmat away in preparation for exams, every moment spent with admirable focus in an effort to simply keep up with the rigorous schedule that he had decided on for himself. If he cut away more of himself, gave up even more, Kai’s not even sure what would be left of Aichi. It frightened him. 

“You’re enough. You’re doing enough already.” 

Aichi shakes his head violently. “I’m not. I’m really not. The other students, they’re…”

“We’re not talking about them.” His interruption causes Aichi to startle, looking back up at Kai again. He pulls Aichi up and out of his seat, catching him when Aichi stumbles into his chest. “Even if they’re somehow sleeping even less than you, it doesn’t change that  _ you  _ need to sleep.” 

Aichi’s voice comes out a little subdued as he leans into Kai’s chest. “I’m the weird one here, Kai. Most people get less sleep than I do. That’s just what going to school here is like. I can handle at least this much.” 

“Like I said, just because other students get less sleep, it doesn’t mean that you don’t need sleep.” He lets his voice soften as he watches Aichi’s shoulders droop, placing his hands and rubbing soothing circles into the other’s back. “It’s okay, Aichi. It’s going to be okay.”

“I know. I know that you just want the best for me. But, I just want to do well.” Kai feels a slight dampness on his shirt as he registers that Aichi is crying again. “I want to make Mom and Emi and you proud of me. What’s the point of coming to a good university overseas if I don’t study?” 

“We’re all proud of you for just doing your best.”

Aichi shakes his head almost violently. “I’m not. I’m not doing my best. I can’t be. I don’t want my best to be...” 

Kai cups Aichi’s face in his hands and tilts him upwards to face him. “It’s true. You’re not at your best right now. You’re sleep deprived and burned out.” 

His boyfriend shifts uncomfortably, biting his lip, unable to look away. “What do I do then? I don’t know how else to get all the information.” 

“I don’t know.” Kai lets out a sigh. “What I do know is that we’re both tired and we need to sleep.” He leans down a little bit, pressing his forehead against Aichi’s in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. “I’ll be here for you Aichi. Let’s figure it out together.” 

Aichi looks like he’s on the verge of tears again, but instead simply nods his head, no longer resisting (probably because he doesn’t have the strength to anymore, Kai thinks), and allows himself to be led back into their shared bedroom.

Kai feels a surge of relief as Aichi slowly lays down onto the mattress with a soft sigh and reaches out for him, finally slipping into Aichi’s open arms. He gently moves Aichi’s bangs out of his eyes and pulls the comforter over the two of them. Aichi lets out a shaky laugh as he inches closer and buries his face into the crook of Kai’s neck, breathing in deeply. “Thank you… for being here. And I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Just be kinder to yourself.” Kai could feel himself slipping away rapidly, now that he was back in bed. “I just want you to be kinder to yourself.” 

Aichi’s voice was small and soft when he replies. “Okay. I’ll try.”

Kai forces himself to stay awake until he hears Aichi's breathing even out, before bringing him even closer and setting an alarm on his phone. It was endlessly frustrating to be unable to help Aichi with his schoolwork, but, at the very least, he could make Aichi breakfast and make sure he slept in a little. 

Tomorrow would be better, for the both of them. 


End file.
